God to Go

"Welcome to God to go , How may we save you?"

"Well, my sister is getting married and the guest list is just too big for the caterers to handle, one of the brides maids just died from a heart attack, the groom has a broken leg, and the directions on the map are wrong, so I think that everyone is probably going to get lost. Not to mention that my crazy uncle Bob keeps insisting we postpone the wedding, something about the bride and virgin sacrifices."

"Approximately how many people will be at your gathering?"

"Oh, I think about five thousand."

"Ok, I have 2 loaves and one fish, for 5,000. A resurrection, a lame to walking, one Pillar of smoke and fire, and a minor exorcism. That is a total of 3 minor miracles, a sign, and an expulsion to hell. Can I get anything else for you?"

"Actually, there is this really annoying guy that seems to show up at all of our family events, could you make his car break down or something to keep him from getting there?"

". . .and one act of god. Will that be all?"

"Yah, I think that will do it."

"All right, your total comes to, 25 Hail Marries, 5 times attending a non-holiday church service, and 25 hours of preaching the gospel to your neighbors."

"Uh, I'm not Catholic."

"Well, you can take the Jewish special, replacing the Hail Marries with an animal sacrifice, or the Jehovah's witness package and just spend more hours preaching the gospel."

"I think I'll take the Jehovah's witness package."

"All right sir. Here is your game piece to win a visit by the Jesus Skiers' no boat and no skis water show. Your miracles are available at the next window. Have a nice day."