Maturity in theory and maturity in practice seem to be two totally different things. In my head I have always known that it is impossible to truely own a person. Not to mention that to want to is stupid: all that is really needed is to be with them. It's equil, not strained. In my head I know that wanting someone and offering myself to someone are two totally different things. One results in a fealing of lacking sense it is impossible to own a person, while the other results in a fealing of friendship, trust, and security knowing that you have freely given an infinatly refillible resource; yourself. In practice, even knowing these things, emotional maturity is not automatic.
I have been fealing like she has been pulling away for a while. In all reality it is likely I am taxing her paitence and resources. I have this want to hold her hand. She is not in the mood; it's too hot, she has a headache, etc. So for some reason inside something reacts that says ouch emotionally, as though I've lost something by not being able to hold her hand. After a while like this I start to feal like she doesn't want me. In all likely hood the real reason is fairly obvious: I took her preasance for granted; asumed emotionally even if not conciously that she was mine. In that asumption is the other; that I should be able to hold her hand, make her happy, kiss her, and comfort her, when ever I want to. This of corse is an asumption of ownership.
Outward vs inward focus; that is the problem. I need to be there for her, not be there so I can have whatever from her whenever I want it. I know this stuff!!! Arg. Logically, this is all common sense to me. Emotionally, the longing in my heart (and of course in other places, but we'll leave that aside for the moment) seems to be overiding my brain. And even though I am mentaly mature I've never fealt anything this strong before, so my emotions lag a little behind. And as she says (strangely she is right more often then I would have ever guessed) I'm trying too hard. I need to let go and just be there for her, be there with her, but not be there trying to make her happy so I can be happy. Things won't always be just happy, or just perfect: deal with it. Share everything with her instead of trying to be some barier against what's out there. She is independant and can take care of her self, taking care of her is not your job except when she asks: offer, but don't just step in with out her request. Let go of your natural instinct to control what you love; nurture it, but let her take her own paths.