Movie Goer's Guide to the Afterlife

Diest: The lights come up, the credits roll and all that you see is "this life brought to you by a God entity without a name"

Budist: The movie finishes and you are escorted to another theatre based upon how well you paid attention and acted to the people seated next to you. If you were good you see a better movie, if you were a prick you get to watch "Gordy" for the rest of eternity. When you realize how boring movies are you get to leave.

Cathloc: When the movie finishes, instead of the screen going black, it goes white. You are then escorted out by ussers with wings and glowing heads. Based upon how many times you yelled out "hail marry mother of God" durring the film you are either relocated to a theatre with all of the dead saints forever watching beautyfull movies and playing music on harps to god, or you go to a theatre where you watch a video version of Dante's Inferno, complete with surround sound, and realistic heating. If the glowing winged people cannot decide where you should be taken, you remain in the lobby for an undefined ammount of time.

Jungian New Age: The lights come up, the credits roll. All scripts, production, special effects, lighting, projection, and of course parts, are played by God.

Puritan: During the movie there are tons of scenes depicting acts of immorality. You get to go to the better movie if you manage to keep your eyes closed and ignore all things that even could be considered immoral. One peak and you are taken to the side and burned at the stake.

Athiest: The movie comes to a close, the lights go out, and you would be shocked to find that there were absolutly no credits, except for the fact that you were nothing but a movie and can no longer realize it. You expire with the reel of film.

Hindu: The movie ends, you blink for a second, remember your name is shiva, roll over and go back to sleep, a new movie starts.

Protestant: The movie ends, you apologize to a guy that warned you that that movie would suck, he accepts your apology, and takes you to a better movie.

Judaisim: Every time something goes wrong in the movie, you sacrifice something nearby by burning it in the theatre. Every 7th miniute durring the movie you are required to pay no attention to the movie. And once every 365 miniutes you must eat no snacks. If you succeed in doing these you get to go talk to the maker of the movies.

Mormon: The movie doesn't have to make any sense, in fact all sequels are allowed to take back anything said, or that actually occured in the previous movie. You are required, for 2 hours of your film to drag people from other theatres into yours. The more people you bring to your theatre the better place you get in the production of the next film (Joseph Smith gets to play god in the sequel).

Platonic: After the movie you are escorted out of the theatre to where there is only one tree, one car, one sky, and one ground, and they are all perfect. You spend the rest of eternity discussing the moving shadows that were projected onto the screen.